There's no getting away from the rage You may be thinking is there a way for me to understand it without them losing it around me all the time Probably not You will either get bored of this relationship and leave or if you can't leave you just might make the relationship what we call very perfunctory and mechanical or you'll hope that they leave or you hope that they'll have a place to go to whenever they tantrum because you're not going to listen to it At some point your presence is going to be such a shame activator that they will either try to destroy you with their rage or they may leave and run away because your presence is too shame-inducing for them Neither of those outcomes are going to feel pretty good especially if you're not sure you want this relationship to end Yeah I get it You might think I shouldn't want it to end You may not want it to end You may also wonder is there a way for you to understand this and for them to not understand that you understand it Probably not again Your subtle behavioral shifts are going to be noticed It's frustrating and demoralizing because they didn't notice you when you were crying or didn't notice that you when you were actually trying to get them to notice you but you make a tiny shift in narcissistic supply you give them and they notice it Getting narcissism understanding narcissism is tricky and your partner will likely pathologize you for the change They'll say things like oh you've changed you're cold you're weird It seems like you're getting a little bit less socially skilled in your old age on and on and on They'll pathologize you for understanding them So the very thing that will set you free actually understanding the narcissism can make your life miserable for a while In the long term it's a win But in the short sprint be aware that it will be unpleasant so you can at least prepare So for you to just think about this getting it understanding narcissism once you get it you might feel like aha I have the keys to the kingdom I get this