Mr. Mackey stops by to give the class a few crucial facts about drugs. Namely, that they're bad.
"Ike's Wee Wee" S02

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SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY - DAY
Establishing.
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
Mr. Garrison stands in front of the chalkboard. It reads
"Drugs are Bad". The students are in their seats.
MR. GARRISON
Okay, children, let's take our seats.
This morning we're going to have a
special lecture from your school
counselor, Mr. Mackey.
The counselor steps in front of Mr. Garrison.
STAN
(under his breath)
Booooo.
COUNSELOR
Now, now who was that? That is not
appropriate behavior. Mkay?
STAN
(In Mr. Mackey's voice)
I'm sorry, Mr. Mackey, mkay?
COUNSELOR
Oh, that's okay. Just don't let it happen
again.
KYLE
(In Mr. Mackey's voice)
We won't let it happen again, Mr. Mackey, mkay?
The boys laugh merrily.
COUNSELOR
Okay, okay that's fine.
CARTMAN
(In Mr. Mackey's voice)
Mkay?
COUNSELOR
Now, uh, as your counselor, I'm
here to tell you about drugs and alcohol
and why they are bad, mkay?
The kids just sit there and blink.
COUNSELOR
So, first of all... Smokin's bad... You
shouldn't smoke. And uh, alcohol is bad,
you shouldn't drink alcohol. And as for
drugs, well, drugs are bad you shouldn't
do drugs. Okay, that about wraps up my
introduction, now are there any
questions? Yes, Stan?
STAN
Why do dogs have cold noses?
COUNSELOR
Uh... I'm not sure.
STAN
Oh.
COUNSELOR
Now, uh, let's focus our discussion first
on Marijuana. Marijuana is bad. And it
also has a very distinct smell, mkay?
I'm going to pass around just a little
tiny bit, and I want you all to take a
smell, so you know when someone is
smokin' Marijuana near you.
He hands a small tray with a bud of pot on it to the first
kid on the end. (Pip). Pip smells it, grimaces, then passes
it on.
COUNSELOR (cont'd)
Okay, Just take a smell, pass it on, and
when it gets back up to me, we'll finish
talking about it. In the meantime, I want
to get into alcohol a little... Okay, Uh,
alcohol is bad... If you drink alcohol...
As the counselor AD LIBs the rest of his speech, the boys
whisper to each other.
KYLE
Hey, are you guys gonna come to Ike's
party this weekend?
STAN
Your little brother is having a party?
Why, is it his birthday?
KYLE
No, It's his Bris.
CARTMAN
What the hell is a Bris?
KYLE
I dunno. But there's gonna be lots of
food and a band!
CARTMAN
Oh, kick ass. I wanna have a Bris!
COUNSELOR
...and so that's why alcohol is bad. Has
that marijuana made it back up here yet?
(No response)
No? Okay, let's talk about LSD... uh
children, LSD is bad. it's a drug made
famous by John Lennon and Paul
McCartney...
STAN
Hey, are we supposed to get your little
brother presents for a Bris?
KYLE
Uh... I'm not sure.
STAN
Well, dude, you better find out.
COUNSELOR
Boys are you paying attention?
STAN
(Mr. Mackey's voice)
Sorry, Mr. Mackey, mkay?
COUNSELOR
Okay. Now children, has that marijuana
made it around yet?
No response.
COUNSELOR
Uh, who has the marijuana now?
(Silence)
Okay, whoever has the marijuana just pass
it up to the front row.
No response.
COUNSELOR
Oh oh.