Goddamn Progressive insurance shill and occasional professional quarterback Baker Mayfield led Tampa Bay to a 20-17 victory over the Minnesota Vikings to open the 2023 at U.S. Bank Stadium. A real BUMMER, because have you looked at the Vikes' schedule? Uff-Da, motherf**ckers. It does NOT get easier.

Mayfield was cold early thanks to Brian Flores's decidedly Un-Donatell D, but still threw two touchdown passes without a turnover, while Kirk Cousins and the Vikings had three first-half turnovers. Ed Ingram is a problem, guys.

Bucs kicker Chase McLaughlin—like all kickers facing Minnesota—transformed into Adam Vinatieri to NAIL a 57-yard field goal for the lead with 5:10 left, and the Buccaneers forced a three-and-out on each of Minnesota’s last two, honestly pathetic, possessions.

Kirk Cousins went 33 for 44 for 344 yards and touchdowns to Jordan Addison and Alexander Mattison, and Justin Jefferson had an MVP-worth performance with nine catches for 150 yards, but no TDs. After going an NFL-record 11-0 in one-score games during the 2022 regular season, the Vikings ran out of that Norse luck after Daniel Jones embarrassed us in last year's Wild Card game.

“There was quite a few self-inflicted mistakes,” coach Kevin O'Connell said. Yeah, no shit—and your playcalling blows, dude. Especially in short-yardage situations. Did you forget you had Justin Jefferson on your team during the second half? Also, way to clean up penalties. Speaking of which...

Rookie Jay Ward CORRECTION IT WAS METELLUS was penalized for lining up in the neutral zone on a field goal try by McLaughlin that gave the Buccaneers a fresh set of downs to finish a drive that took almost nine minutes out of the third quarter with a touchdown pass to rookie Trey Palmer that made it 17-10.

Did we forget Tampa Bay's DEF is elite? The Buccaneers, with seven starters left from the 2020 Super Bowl champions and four first-round draft picks on defense, surprised Cousins with a couple of safety blitzes by Antoine Winfield Jr. (Wow, our safety needs look really foolish—why didn't we draft him, again?) Also, Vita Vea is a goddamn wrecker.

Anyway. On to Philly on Thursday night, I guess. Hold onto your butts, folks.

#minnesotavikings #tampabaybuccaneers #nfl #highlights